If you’re a parent who has been through addiction treatment, you may wonder how your substance use affected your family or your children. It’s imperative to approach substance use and the recovery process with children because it may keep them from falling into similar habits in the future and can help them understand where you're at.
Your children may not remember everything that happened during the time you spent using substances, but they will remember the efforts you make from today moving forward in your recovery journey. Many parents underestimate their children's ability to grasp everything that’s going on around them.
Kids may act as if they don’t understand the situation or have no clue about it, but they see and hear more than you realize. It is vital to your addiction recovery and aftercare plans to provide open communication about the recovery process with your children. Doing so lets them know that you're taking responsibility for what happened in the past and what you’re doing today to move forward. They may be more accepting and supportive of your journey when you involve them in the process.
Talking about such a heavy topic as addiction may bring up difficult emotions in your children. Keeping the conversation at an age-appropriate cognitive and emotional level will help the situation when strong emotions emerge. For example, when a child is younger than 10 to 12 years, they have a hard time understanding that not everything in their life is about them. They may start thinking they are to blame for your substance use disorder when this is simply not true. Remind them that it's not their fault and reassure them that you love them and will support them and answer any questions they may have.
Children older than 12 years old may harbor some resentment toward you or the situation. Some children react poorly when discussing substance use because they feel they've missed out on things in life or that you've purposely hurt them with your addiction.
Keep in mind that kids in their teens may have had to grow up too quickly and fend for themselves or take care of siblings if you were absent or unreachable because of your addiction. They may be hesitant to forgive. Validate their feelings, ask if you can do anything to make it right, and understand that this situation will take patience. It might be uncomfortable or painful to hear about the ways your children feel toward you, but being aware of what they see and feel will show you the right time and place to talk to them about your recovery journey.
Some parents may find it difficult to speak with kids regardless of their age because the conversation can become steeped in emotion that impedes tangible progress. Emotions such as anger, sadness, disappointment all can arise and may not give you the outcome you seek. Choosing the right time and place for the conversation will help children feel at ease and be more willing to open up and receive what you have to say.
When the time is right, and you feel that your child is ready to communicate with you about what you went through, why you were in recovery, and how it affected them, find a comfortable spot and start the conversation by asking them what they know and how they're feeling. Sometimes children will understand your perspective and surprise you with the reaction, but some children will blame themselves and take the substance use as if it was their responsibility. The overall message you want to give your children is how much you've learned, what steps you're taking to be better, and how you want to work on establishing a new, healthy relationship with them.
Many children who have had a parent deal with substance abuse may feel lonely, scared, or held back because of the home's environment. Some children will withdraw or explode their emotions all over the place. This is why speaking to them at an age-appropriate level and in a comfortable environment can promote healthier communication.
Speaking with your children about your former addiction may seem complicated or overwhelming at first, but encouraging open and honest communication is the first step toward building a healthy relationship and igniting forgiveness in your home. If you feel the right time or place just hasn’t come around, talk with your counselor for tips or consider family counseling with your spouse and children.
Talking about your substance use issues and your recovery journey to your children can be daunting. It's hard to gauge what their reaction or level of understanding will be. At NorthStar Transitions, we can provide resources and assistance for involving your children in the recovery process. Rebuilding your relationships and establishing healthy connections should not be delayed after leaving treatment. If you need help finding ways to discuss your recovery journey openly, we are here for you. Our facility can help you work to reestablish your connection with your family and your children with the help of our counselors. Your children deserve to find healing from any hurts your substance use issues may have caused. Reconnecting with your family can change the meaning of recovery moving forward. For more information on how to talk to your kids about addiction recovery and what emotions can arise, contact NorthStar Transitions at (303) 558-6400.
