When you begin your recovery journey, you may suffer from similar mental health disorders or drug or alcohol abuse as others. You may be the same gender or identify as the same ethnicity or sexuality. No matter how many things you have in common, addiction or mental health treatment or outside recovery spaces are never a one-size-fits-all solution. We all have our own perspectives, experiences, and upbringing that helps shape us into the individuals we are. Generational differences are just that, age differences between ourselves and another person. However, this difference can be both helpful and harmful to a person’s recovery experience, especially within group therapy sessions and other activities.
Generational differences are helpful in the way that you can learn different perspectives by listening to those who may have more life experience. However, generational differences can also create a lack of understanding. Overcoming generational differences is crucial to the recovery experience. Luckily, there are many ways that you can create harmony within your program, sober living, or your day-to-day life following your treatment experience.
Life tends to be a lot easier when you are in acceptance. The word acceptance itself is somewhat of a buzzword in the recovery world, but that shouldn’t take away from the truly powerful gifts it gives to you when you actively apply it to your life. One of the hardest things to accept is people and their behaviors you deem as “wrong” or “inappropriate.” When you are stuck in feelings of judgment and find yourself wanting to exclude a person based on their personal beliefs, you can remember that you require acceptance daily too, and so it is good for you to give acceptance where it is needed.
It is also important to remember that acceptance does not mean that you necessarily agree with what another person is saying or doing; it is just another way to establish boundaries without flat out calling it a boundary. Acceptance keeps you in the space of acknowledging where you end and the other person begins. Because of this, acceptance can help you transition into a state of serenity, where your words and actions can be more supportive to the group as a whole instead of destructive and divisive.
It is safe to assume that there may be some similarities between yourself and the other people seeking a way out of their addiction or other harmful behaviors. While it may require some effort on your part, when listening to people share, you can challenge yourself to actively listen for what you can relate to, instead of focusing on what is absurd to you -- or maybe in our eyes -- not a “real problem” worth sharing about.
The truth is that we tend to look at others before we look at ourselves meaning, it is easier to look at the shortcomings of other people and their “flaws” when we are avoiding dealing with our own. You may do this because giving attention to the places you are hurting is changing, and change is scary. It is much simpler to ignore these things altogether. When you allow yourself to participate in the criticism of others, you can cause disunity within the group in the form of gossip and bullying. When you can focus on the similarities you share with others, you are more likely to grow within.
Being discerning can be difficult when you feel strongly against a person’s perspective. It helps to remember that we are all just doing the best we can. Sometimes, our best doesn’t live up to the expectations of others, but that does not make it okay to shame anyone or exclude them from participating in the atmosphere of recovery. Our mental illnesses or addiction do not discriminate against us; they will harm whomever whenever. You need the support and camaraderie from others to encourage you to keep going even when life feels unbearable. Whether you are in a residential treatment program or a 12-Step or other support meeting, being able to respect others is imperative to the functionality of the group.
Another way you can practice discernment is how you process your trauma in an open setting. It may feel good to talk openly about your trauma without really thinking about how it could trigger others. In this case, discernment would be deciding to speak about your trauma with our sponsor, house manager, or therapist on an individual level so that we still get the help we need without causing harm to others. This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t be open within a group setting; the ability to be vulnerable is another strength that you get to obtain as you heal. You just need to remember that the room you are in is for everyone, and everyone has their own level of comfortability, and that is okay.
It can be challenging to find acceptance over people, places, and things you feel should operate differently. The fact is that if you are open enough to the process of recovery itself, you can begin to look at situations from the perspective of others, which in turn can help you grow into a more compassionate person. NorthStar Transitions encourages our clients to succeed in treatment so that they can start building a community both inside and outside of our walls. We believe our clients experience the most success when they can smoothly integrate with the world around them. We offer several programs located in Boulder, CO, for men and women to serve the needs of those who seek us out for support and empowerment. If you or anyone you know is suffering from addiction or a co-occurring disorder and is tired of struggling alone, call us today at (303) 558-6400.
