Making Amends Post-Treatment

12-Step programs are an invaluable resource for many people. Even those who do not subscribe to the Twelve Steps can benefit from making amends—one of the later Steps—with the people their struggle with addiction impacted. Making amends is not just about apologizing or taking responsibility for the way they hurt people when addiction was at its peak. Amending is a healing process for the one making amends as well.

Reliving the past can be mentally and emotionally challenging. Many people feel guilt or shame surrounding past choices, especially those they made while influenced by drugs or alcohol. However, making amends is not meant to stir up negative thinking patterns or make individuals feel guilty. Making amends is supposed to free them from the binds of their past and right the wrongs experienced by those they love. 

How Addiction Affects Loved Ones

In the thick of it all, individuals sometimes forget how much addiction affects the people around them. Friends, parents, children, and romantic partners all experience the impact of addiction in many ways. 

Before discussing how addiction affects loved ones, it is vital to remember that substance use disorder (SUD) and mental illnesses are chronic conditions that change thinking, mood, and behavior. Individuals who become dependent on substances do not intend for it to happen. It can come on sometimes in the same way that some people develop depression or anxiety. 

Unfortunately, addiction can put loved ones in physical danger at times. Violent outbursts, reckless driving under the influence, and poor, uninhibited choices are potential risks associated with substance use. Physical harm can occur in the home or publicly, though it is often not the intention of most who are under the influence. 

Addiction can also cause emotional or mental harm to loved ones. While under the influence, people can sometimes become manipulative or exhibit other toxic traits. These characteristics are not representative of the person. Unfortunately, drugs and alcohol sometimes bring out traits in people they did not know existed. Substance use may also lead individuals to steal from and lie to their loved ones. This can make it challenging to regain that trust once they get sober. 

What Are the Twelve Steps?

Some people may be familiar with 12-Step programs. For years, The Twelve Steps were a standard part of addiction recovery. However, over time people began realizing that the 12 Steps aren't for everyone. While they can be effective, following a standard recovery practice is not the most effective approach to treatment for every individual. The most effective method is individualized treatment tailored to each client.

For those unfamiliar with the Twelve Steps, they are as follows:

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Decided to turn our will and lives over to the care of God—or your higher power—as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, ourselves, and another person the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Directly made amends to such people wherever possible, except when doing so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and, when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and practice these principles in all our affairs.

Another reason The Twelve Steps may not work for everyone is not everyone shares the same spiritual beliefs, though people may ask for the help of whatever higher power they believe in. Additionally, making amends is typically associated with the program because of steps eight and nine. However, the concept is not solely part of the 12-Step process. 

Making Amends

Before making direct amends, individuals should take some time to prepare. They can prepare for who they will talk to and what they plan to say. This is a journey of learning what one is responsible for and what is out of one's control. 

Those following this step can begin by making direct amends, then indirect amends. Other people volunteer or perform charitable acts when opportunities arise to give back to communities or groups important to them or someone they harmed. 

Some methods are more tangible than others, but what matters is the effort individuals put in and the lessons they learn. We encourage everyone to seek counsel if they are struggling to make amends. For more information about recovery, or if someone you love is still struggling with active addiction, call NorthStar Transitions today.

Making amends is typically associated with the 12-Step program because of steps eight and nine. For years, The Twelve Steps were common practice and worked for many. However, we now know that the most effective recovery plan is tailored to each individual. Whether or not The Twelve Steps work for you, making amends can be a healing process. It helps you heal wounded relationships and determine your responsibility and things you can not control. If making amends with the people in your life is challenging, reach out to a sponsor, peer, or therapist for guidance and advice. To learn more or seek information about our treatment programs for a friend or loved one, call NorthStar Transitions at (303) 558-6400.