Identifying Signs of Self-Sabotage and How to Change Them

It can be easy to blame the world around you for negative things in your life. However, there are often times where you end up standing in your own way, causing yourself to fall short of reaching your greatest potential. This is defined as self-sabotaging, and it can leave you feeling stuck in an endless cycle of obstacles that are always holding you back. If you notice these behaviors in yourself, the best way to overcome them is by identifying said behaviors, removing them from your routines, and replacing them with healthier actions that push you closer to achieving happiness. 

‍What Is Self-Sabotage?‍

Self-sabotage can manifest in different ways depending on the person. Still, it typically is defined as repeated patterns of behaviors that create problems in your life and negatively impact long-term goals. Self-sabotage can be caused by previously learned behaviors that helped a person survive a traumatic or toxic situation. However, these actions don’t always work once you leave that experience.

Self-sabotage occurs through behaviors and choices that you make yourself but most likely blame these behaviors on others. For example, you may be up for a promotion at work that you are likely to get but engage in behaviors that negatively impact your chances, thus causing you to be passed over. Because of the negative outcome, you may blame coworkers for speaking ill of you or stating that you never had enough experience anyway. While this is a typical work scenario of self-sabotage, the behavior can impact any part of your life. The best way to overcome it is first to identify its signs.

‍Signs of Self-Sabotage

A person can identify different behaviors as self-sabotaging, but not everyone will practice every behavior. The signs of self-sabotage will depend on the person and their situation, but you can identify signs in yourself as long as you know what to look for. Common signs of self-sabotage include:

• Procrastination: One of the most apparent signs of self-sabotage is procrastination. Many people become overwhelmed by the tasks on their to-do list; they doubt their ability to complete a quality result or simply have trouble managing their time. This can result in the person putting off the task at hand and engaging in mindless behaviors instead. For example, if you have a job at work that needs to be done, you may procrastinate by cleaning the bathroom, washing all your clothes, or starting a book. 
  

• Self-Deprecation: Have you ever made a negative joke about yourself and realize it hit too close to home? Many people take part in self-deprecating humor without realizing how harmful it is to one’s mental health. The more you practice these jokes, the more likely you are to start believing them. Examples of self-deprecating statements include, “Why bother doing it if I’m going to fail anyway?” or “I mess up everything I do.” Over time, you begin to believe these statements and thus stop putting in the work to achieve your dreams. 
  

• Picking Fights With Loved Ones: Some people sabotage themselves by sabotaging their relationships with those they love most. This often occurs in two different ways, one always being argumentative about little things that don’t matter or constantly being on the defensive even when things aren’t directed at you. This can cause needless arguments in your relationships with loved ones, which can cause you to lose those relationships over time. Picking fights with loved ones often stems from an inability to discuss feelings healthily and efficiently, so an individual resorts to passive-aggressive behaviors and sarcasm.
  

Overcoming Self-Sabotage

Once you can identify signs of self-sabotage in your life, you can begin working towards stopping the behavior and replacing these habits with healthier, more productive ones. Once you identify the signs in your life, you can move on to recognizing what causes you to sabotage yourself. Common underlying reasons stem from fear, boredom, a need for control, self-doubt, and things going well in life. Tracking these triggers can help you learn how to control them and the ways you respond to them.

To start, you should learn how to get comfortable with failing. Failure happens to every person on this planet, and you are no different. It is how you respond to failure that defines your future, so learn how to pick yourself back up.

Learning how to communicate your emotions effectively can also help you overcome self-sabotaging behaviors. Learning how to communicate will teach you how to maintain healthy behaviors and be honest with those closest to you. This can be difficult at first, but it will improve your relationships and teach you to identify what you feel with words. 

From here, you can practice motivating yourself to reach long-term goals. If you still need help, though, seeking counseling can help you overcome self-sabotaging behavior in healthy ways. 

‍Learning how to identify and overcome self-sabotaging behaviors can help you reach your fullest potential. It can be easy to sell yourself short when it comes to long-term goals and desires that you are striving for. However, you must learn how to overcome these false beliefs about yourself, so you can stop sabotaging your relationships and life goals. Once you learn these skills, you will be unstoppable. However, we realize that overcoming self-sabotage can be difficult on your own. NorthStar Transitions is here to help you identify certain behaviors such as procrastination, substance abuse, and more that may be negatively affecting your life and teach you how to overcome them. This can take time and dedication, but you will reap the benefits in the long run for a happy and healthy life. To learn more about our traditional and holistic treatment modalities and programs, call us today at (303) 558-6400. The journey to recovery begins at NorthStar.