Many individuals that enter recovery, especially younger individuals, wonder what their options are when it comes to romance. This is especially true once they enter rehab and begin meeting others who have gone through the same dark places as them, bonding people together. However, it is often recommended to wait until you are one year into your sobriety before you start dating. Early recovery places you in an extremely vulnerable and emotionally charged position, which is not the best place to be in when creating a new relationship. If you are wondering if you should date while you are in rehab or just beginning recovery, learning about the dangers of romance in early recovery will give you further insight into why you should wait.
As everyone knows, relationships involve a significant amount of emotions. This means that when you aren’t in an emotionally stable place yourself, it probably isn’t a good idea to engage in any kind of romantic affairs. In early recovery, you are newly sober and working on the underlying issues of your addiction. This work puts you in a vulnerable position, and dating can cause more harm to your mental state than you may realize. It is better to focus on yourself and heal the parts of you that drove you to addiction rather than spending this crucial recovery time focusing on another individual.
Whenever you enter into a romantic relationship, there is always the risk of things turning toxic. While most individuals may be able to handle a potentially toxic relationship, those in early recovery are not equipped to handle the problems that come with these relationships. The emotionally vulnerable state they are in can cause them to be more easily manipulated and dependent on the other person. This can lead to further problems, especially if you are in early recovery because you run the risk of relapse. Dating is not worth jeopardizing your recovery, especially so early into the process.
Once you have passed the detox stage of the recovery process, you may be feeling somewhat empty. This feeling is common for individuals that have struggled with addiction, as many use drugs and alcohol to fill a void within themselves. Without the substances there to fill the void, many individuals begin looking for other sources of fulfillment. Recovery offers these people the opportunity to learn more healthy habits to address these underlying issues, but unfortunately, some turn to another person. Some people may begin replacing their addiction to drugs and alcohol with an addiction to love or another person to fill the void.
Multiple problems can arise out of this, specifically relating to the person never fully recovering because they never learn how to stand on their own two feet. Instead, they rely on the other person for support as they did with drugs and alcohol. If the relationship were to end, there is a significant risk of relapse - coping methods have not been learned to help fill the void that accompanies recovery. This ultimately causes them to remain in the cycle of addiction, which is why dating so early on in recovery is not recommended.
Many individuals who struggle with addiction often base their entire identity on drugs and alcohol. When these substances are taken away from them, they can feel stripped of this identity and be unsure who they are anymore. In a rush to create a new identity, some individuals in recovery will look to another person as a “healthier” alternative. However, this can cause further problems as they build their entire identity around their relationship with the other person. Looking for an identity within a relationship is risky for those in recovery because if the relationship ends, they are left without an identity once again. This can cause them to be at a higher risk of relapse down the road.
When you are in recovery, you need to be fully dedicated to the process that lies ahead. This means that you need to focus on your therapy, groups, and other sober activities in rehab that help you heal from addiction. Becoming involved in a romantic relationship can redirect your focus towards the other person and the relationship, leaving your recovery in the dust as an afterthought. Over time, your own needs in recovery will be neglected, causing you not to experience the full joy and fulfillment that accompanies healing. This can lead to problems in the relationship, issues with yourself, and potentially lead to relapse.
For most people in recovery, especially early recovery, dating is not recommended. Dating requires a lot of time and energy that needs to be dedicated to the recovery process. Dating can lead to misguided priorities and dependence on another person that can cause problems down the road, such as potential relapse. This is why it is better to wait until you are farther into recovery and more secure in your sobriety before dating again. NorthStar Transitions understands the want and need for human connection, which is why we have group activities as a part of our programs. We encourage you to form bonds with those in your cohort to expand our sober support network, but it is not recommended to begin dating someone while at our facility. We can help you fulfill the missing parts of yourself with healthier alternatives conducive to your recovery. Call us today at (303) 558-6400.
